While some people are calmly counting down towards their summer holidays, if you’re a student, it means that exam time is just around the corner getting ready to punish you for a semester of procrastination.
The test isn’t just an evaluation of what you’ve learned this term, but the pressure to perform will bring out the very best and worst in people. Here are 10 colourful characters that you’re guaranteed to meet in your exams.
1. Magnificent Mateo
We all know a Mateo, and by God, isn’t he magnificent?! While you sit hunchbacked for hours reading and re-reading your notes, Mateo is at the gym or watching a movie and enjoying life, because Mateo doesn’t need to revise. Mateo doesn’t even need to try. Mateo will get an 80%. Mateo is humble, so he won’t brag about it. Mateo is magnificent.
2. Pill-popping Paulina
Paulina is that classmate jacked up on stimulant, vitamins, and caffeine. She’s a shot away from heart failure and about three questions away from passing out. Running on no sleep, the adrenaline pumping through her body will ensure that she writes and writes and writes until she hears those four liberating words: “alright now, pencils down”, and until then, she’s best approached with caution.
3. Latecomer Lucas
As you’ve guessed, Latecomer Lucas is that guy guaranteed to be panting down the hallway on the way to the exam room, announcing himself to everyone in the room with the loud and familiar sounds of thud, thud, thud that precede his dramatic entrance.
Lucas doesn’t just stop there. If his lateness isn’t distracting enough, he promises to break the concentration of each and every soul in the room with his feet shuffling until he is at his seat with a pen in hand.
4. IDGAF Frederic
Frederic is the friend who has no motivation left and no longer gives a flying fuck. He used to care, but ever since he woke up this morning with amnesia and realised that he can’t recall anything of what he’s studied, he thought “fuck this”. Stress has melted away the part of his brain that lets him function, so all he’s thinking about is the post-exam party up at the bar. Bravo, brother, to hell with the system.
5. Casper the
I’d like to tell you that Casper is friendly, but in reality, we don’t know Casper. Casper is that one student who no one has ever seen before. He’s never attended a lecture, he’s never been seen in a seminar… we don’t even know if his real name is Casper!
6. OCD Erica
Arriving on exam day armed with a pot of pens, a dozen highlighters, extra calculators, and a colour-coded exam and revision schedule, Erica is the girl you want to avoid. The organisation is a farce and only in place to hold her fragile spirit together. The second one small unexpected thing occurs, she will freak out and crumble.
7. Nosey Naomi
Perhaps the most annoying and easily identifiable character of all is Nosey Naomi. Eagerly waiting for you at the end with a smug smile on her face, she bellows out the taboo phrase: “What did you put for question 2?”. Mind your business, girl.
8. Oliver ‘Please, Sir, can I have another sheet?’ Twist
While most of us sit in the exam sweating over how we’re going to adequately answer all the questions on time and elaborately enough to fill the sheets of paper we’ve been afforded, there will always be one student racing ahead of others, striking fear and panic into the rest of our hearts with their hand-raised and bold request for: “some more paper, please?”. Why, Oliver, why? We’re not recounting War and Peace here.
9. Swagmeister Steve
Too cool for school, Swagmeister Steve is the carefree spirit that we all wish we could be. Steve is going to volunteer in a Chilean vineyard after he graduates, followed by a short stint trekking the foothills of Tibetan mountains, and will eventually find his home surfing on the shores of Byron Bay. The exams matter not to Steve for whether it’s the fourth week into the semester or the end year exams; they’re no big deal and will play no part in his future.
Everything happens for a reason, and as long as he tries his best, his grade will reflect what is supposed to happen. He’ll whizz through what he can in the first half hour, and then will exit the exam room early, leaving the course of his future to fate.
10. Rita the Cheater
Rita is a seasoned pro at exams. She’s figured every possible way to bring in her notes into the room and will even know the questions that are sure to pop up. No-one understand how she works, and that sneaky air of confidence about her is her safe guard from being caught. A hustler through and through, Rita, we salute you!
Thanks for reading this post!